Category: lunar rhythms

Release.

“I release you. I release my expectations of you. I release the pain. I release our baby. I release the vision of the family I thought we might build one day. I release my connection to you, both past and present. I sit under the full moon, with the energy of the universe as my witness, and release you, us, our past, our potential.”

My first week in Mexico, I was distracted. I landed, explored, and filled my days with bus trips, people, activities. As I hit the week mark, knowing (I thought) that I were about to return home, the anxiety set in. I didn’t want to go home to the dark basement, the cool days, the slog of work and the debilitating grief, the obsessive thoughts, the overwhelming disappointment, the insane hope and attempts at reconnection/rekindling. I was terrified of myself, my life as I knew it, and I was sad and distracted.

I got a positive covid test and embraced another couple weeks abroad. As I processed everything, and shared with my travel buddy, I realized I could stay. And I did. Two months later, I still reside in Mexico.

It is hard to gauge whether I’m healing or am simply distracted from a process I will have to carry on with whenever I return home. Either way, I am so grateful from the space. I spent more than a year in the grips of the struggle and I’m now having moments of strength, joyful presence, open hearted, unincumbered connection. My days are spent working, exploring, video chatting with friends new and old, and hanging out with members of my Cabo tribe. My life is full, my heart-at times- is full. I feel more like myself than I have in years. I am writing again! Both in my journal and in the public sphere.

I have been attending yoga classes, taking moments to be still with myself, meeting likeminded and inspiring folks that are assisting me in comfortably residing in my skin and pursuing my spiritual growth. Things are good, and I don’t give my pain as much weight.

Having said all that, I still engage with the person who the pain centers around. I still let our little interaction spin me out. I still watch my mind create and recreate conversations I know there is no point in having. I still allow my feet to hit the pavement while my mind is distracted by the swirl of frustrating and fruitless thought. It’s better, like SO MUCH better, than it was. I’m moving along a little more gracefully and gaining some distance, but I keep engaging when I know it doesn’t serve me. Or likely him. Or us, in whatever formation we take.

I stood outside of a restaurant last night, after stuffing my face with delicious tacos, and I disclosed my process with a friend here in Cabo. He said things I know to be true, I’m hurting myself, I’m waiting until I feel better and self sabotaging, its normal- to some extent- given our history and my wounding. But he also said “there are so many people here in Cabo that love you and want to spend time with you.” And it’s true, not just of Cabo. I connected intensely with the folks in Puerto Vallarta, I still have regular conversations with those who love me at home. And, yet, I’m awarding so much mental energy in someone who doesn’t offer me even half of what I have offered him.

I deserve better. I want someone who knows I deserve better and will do his best to show up in a way that is caring, compassionate, loving, intentional. I want someone who will work alongside me to build a relationship that lasts a lifetime. I know that reserving even part of my heart and energy for him is only setting me back from attaining what I do want, from engaging fully with the one who is meant for me. So, this past full moon, I smudged with some Palo Santo and let the ethereal light begin to wash away my attachment.

I hope, moving forward, that I will be able to maintain a distance that allows me to really heal, to move forward, to make space for the love I desire and deserve.

by admin

Out of sync.

The last two years I’ve been enrolled in a online education group called Thirteen Moons. The teacher is a wonderful woman I’ve likely mentioned before named Natalie Rousseau. The course looks at our connection to the lunar and seasonal cycles and explores practices to help tune in to, and align with the universal energies at play. This piece isn’t about that. But I mention it as a pre cursor because according to everything I’ve been learning the past couple years, January is a time when we’re meant to slow down. Evolutionarily we’d be hunkering down, staying warm, resting with nature under extreme weather.

I’m assuming all the people who read this are likely hanging out on the wet coast (not a typo) and thinking, “rest!? I’ve got two jobs to be able to afford my tiny apartment that I’m raising 6 kids out of!” Or whatever variation of that that fits your current situation. Our society is structured in such a way that we are expected to operate at optimal speed and without break 365 days per year. Oh, wait, some places still close Christmas, don’t they? So, 364 days per year. Pardon me.

I could go on a tangent about how ridiculous our society is (and actually did-but deleted it) but instead I’m going to say what I came here to say! The last couple years I’ve been fortunate to have space to rest. I hunkered down, embraced the dark, read many books, accepted longer hours of sleep. I felt better off for it too. Better able to greet the Spring and Summer energy to boot.

This year, I’ve been all over the map. Literally and metaphorically. Previous January’s spent reading and resting, with feet up the wall and 7pm bed times, made way for new work, new city, new heartache, and new education journey. Rather than snuggling up with my cat in the comfort of my home after a long, hot bath, I was living out of a hostel, fumbling around in the dark morning and night, before and after training or work, trying not to disturb the 5 other people sharing my space. When met with a foot of snow, I didn’t get to take a snow day and watch my nephew play, I instead had to wander around on foot in city traffic for groceries.

I don’t much mean this to sound like I’m complaining. (Except for the heartache. That part sucks.) I think I mean this more as an acknowledgement of myself, and all of you, for doing what is not natural. For keeping up with all that is required of us even when our bodies and minds are tired and in need of rest. For continuing to put one foot in front of the other, for continuing to show up in the places we’re committed to be.

If you’re struggling to get out of bed today, if you feel too overwhelmed and you let something go (even something you think is good for you! Like your morning run) view that as self care. As a deep understanding that this isn’t how we’re meant to live. And some days taking the extra hour in bed will serve you more than pushing through yet another thing that asks you for energy you don’t necessarily hold in these dark, cold months. I feel like a hypocrite even saying this, because I know and struggle often with how hard it can be, but be gentle with yourself. You’re doing the best you can.

by admin

Spring Clean

I love this time of year, not only for the more persistent sun, the warmer temperatures and the sprinkling of colour that presents itself as the flowers are revitalized.  I also love it for the energy it brings. The feeling that I’ve been inside amidst my piles of books long enough, it’s time to shift, rearrange, toss and reorganize. I am an organizer by nature (though you’d maybe never know it by looking at my house- you’ve heard of organized chaos?)  I get all nerdy excited when i get to play tetris with real life objects. I was stoked to be able to make little sections and alphabetize the little write ups for products at work, like ‘best morning ever’ stoked.

Anyways, at this time of year, I’m normal!  Everybody gets in this mode more naturally. It’s like the sun calls to us to clear out our clutter to let more warm, cascading light fill our spaces.  Our winter woolies get tucked away to make room for flowy, colourful fabrics. We’re more bold, or try to be, with letting go of things we’ve been holding onto like that desk that’s been used for nothing but storage and that chair that’s been serving as a coat rack.  We are lured to the multi-coloured storage bins and closet organizers. We are even encouraged by the city to leave our normally unaccepted items on the side of the road. Ah, Spring cleaning is upon us.

Gretchen Rubin, in The Happiness Project, talks about getting rid of clutter.  Marie Kondo’s The Life-changing Magic of Tidying up became so popular she’s since attained a Netflix series.  Rubin says that a clean space leaves her feeling less bogged down and with more energy to continue on with her other commitments on her path to happiness.  Rubin mentions the lack of decluttering discussed historically (I would speculate that this concept now being explored in depth, was not in need before consumerism became what it is today) but the benefits are undeniable and seemingly uncontested in positive psychology today.  A tool to make for a happier life.

So, where do we start?  If you’re like me, you’re thinking “I’m inspired!  I only want to have 3 pairs of pants in my closet! I mostly wear leggings anyways, this will be easy!”  You go to your closet, you pull out your 20 pairs of pants (I’m exaggerating, books are my issue, not pants) and think ‘well, i can’t get rid of this pair, they make my butt look good…  Not this pair either, this pair MAKES that outfit I wore that one time…’ etc. until you’ve justified every pair in there and walked away defeated.

I’ll be honest, I struggle with this so I don’t have a whole ton of insight to share but I’ve found a few good ones that I’m going to share here and perhaps you can share with me the tricks you’ve found and together we can work to get rid of some of our clutter.

BABY STEPS

I know this to be true.  If I think of all I have to do, i get OVERWHELMED.  When I’m overwhelmed, I am no longer a functioning human being.  I become immobilized so this is the top of the list intentionally.

What does this mean exactly?  Let’s say you are currently looking at your space and thinking I have to dust, vacuum, scrub the floors, do the laundry, take out the trash and recycling, etc.  We all know this list. Instead of getting overwhelmed and laying down (my go to!) just do one thing. Maybe, like me, you don’t mind sweeping. So you do that one thing.  Maybe that one thing gives you energy to do some other thing, or maybe not, but at least you did ONE thing. I’m not going to lie, typing this post up today was my one thing.  Yet to be discovered if it inspires something else or not.

Gretchen Rubin’s one-minute rule

Brilliant lady.  If you can do it in under one minute, just do it.  I can drop my sweater on the chair or I can take one minute to hang it up and have somewhere nice to sit and reflect on how easy it was!  

Pick one thing to toss

Go back to the pant situation.  You’re staring at your twenty pairs of pants thinking you need them all, justifying all the reasons the too tight, too short pants are worth keeping.  Just choose ONE pair to toss. Yes, it’ll be a slow process, but like with the baby steps, you did something. And one of every clothing item is not a terrible dent to have made.

These are just a few ideas, and a few resources to draw from to get you on your way. I’d love to hear your tips and tricks too! Feel free to contact me and share. Enjoy your journey in making space for a new year of new adventures and shifts. It’s not until we let go of the old, that we can make space for the new.

by admin

Happy Spring and a magical full moon to you!

For this entry I just want to share a bit of my last week with you.  First off, on Wednesday March 20th, you may not know there was a big, shiny full moon.  As if that isn’t awesome enough, it was also the Spring equinox. I don’t know about you, but I find the full moon energy to be quite apparent, and it was that observation that sparked my curiousity and guided me down the path of studying lunar and seasonal shifts.  I always notice things like driver’s being a bit more hazardous, or interactions with others more energetic or emotional.

Anyways, with this full moon, my internal energy shift was very apparent.  I had a long few days hopping from one commitment to the next while also trying to take care of a cat that was partaking in some concerning behaviour and attempting to get myself ready for a trip to visit my beau in Calgary.  After more than a year of observing my energy cycling with the moon, I often load my schedule up during the full moon knowing that I often (though not always) have more energy. However, this week quickly turned into very long days with not much space in between engagements to tend to my cat, the only unforeseen of the activities.  I felt scattered and as though I was flying through everything without being very present in the midst of the overwhelm. I had lists everywhere that I jotted down the random thoughts that came into my head about purchases I needed to make, people I needed to get back to, things I needed to drop off, what I needed to pack. It was almost an out of body experience watching my hand list all the fragments that were popping out of my cloud of thought.

I’ve spent a lot of time over the last couple years learning about and being exposed to different rituals to connect with your personal practice.  I haven’t consistently adopted any of them, but regular journaling, despite my best intentions. Because it made sense to me that a full moon on the spring equinox had the potential to be more powerful, I let my curiousity overpower my anxiety and planned to attend a full moon gathering with some lovely strangers.  I spent the day before writing out my intentions for the coming year, my financial goals, relational goals, and my work/ life balance goals. A big ticket item for me was/is to find work that pays me enough to get by but that doesn’t drain me emotionally or energetically, so much so that I’m not able to show up for the activities in my life that keep me healthy and happy.  I also saw my counselor with the intention of sorting out my mind about moving to Calgary. She helped me see that the simple (though not necessarily easy) solution was to find a place that my partner could afford without me so it would not inconvenience him or create a claustrophobic situation for me if I did not want to stay. The space would also need to allow our cat. The odds seemed stacked but I felt comfortable and excited with those stipulations in place.

Throughout the day of the full moon I was presented with several offers to work with people in environments that I believe are aligned with my values and will help me grow.  The hours are flexible to aid with the success of my long distance relationship and I will be fairly compensated. My heart was so full it felt like it was bursting and it relit a fire in me that had faded to one barely burning ember.  The full moon circle presented me with new connections with like minded women (another pursuit I’ve actively been taking in the last few months.) I also heard from my partner a couple days later that his current landlord offered him the upstairs, me and our cat can move in if we want, and he’ll keep his rent the same (when before he’d been asking a lot more.)  

I feel like maybe, just maybe, I really am a magical being.  Maybe I can attract what it is I need. Or maybe just clearly defining what it is I need, opens me to the possibility of it being created and presented in my life.  Like the idea that you look at buying a white mazda and then you start seeing white mazdas everywhere? Except instead of white mazdas I’m seeing empowering opportunity.  Whatever it is, I’ll take it!

I have a New Moon workshop coming up that I’m fairly excited about hosting and I also spent a little bit of my energy abundance this full moon starting to create intentional items for little moon magic care packages.  If you’re interested in learning more details about this event, check out the event page.

If you’re interested in learning more about working with the moon, here are a couple books that have been great aids for me!  Moonology by Yasmin Boland gives a great run through of the phases of the moon and provides many helpful online resources as well.  Moon Mysteries by Nao Sims and Nikiah Seeds is another beautiful illustrated guide that includes a great chart for starting to track your moon with the moon, an activity that quite literally changed my life.

by admin

A moment to honour the new moon.

The moon cycles every 29.5 days.  It goes through a series of stages from new to full and back again.  It perfectly shows us the impermanence that the Buddhist refer too. It thoroughly represents the creation and destruction of all life, and the inevitable rebirth.  In Demetra Georges book, Mysteries of the Dark Moon, she elegantly writes, “The darkness is lit with the translucent quality of transformation; and during this essential and necessary period, life is prepared to be born.”

Today marks the new moon, the last new moon of the lunar year.  The dark moon is the period between the waning crescent and the waxing crescent in the middle of which, falls the new moon.  This is a perfect moment to reflect. To be still, to journal, to go inside. I thought I’d take a moment and send out a special little note regarding the power of this time.  The last few days may have had you feeling a bit lost, maybe low energy, perhaps withdrawn. I’m here to tell you, that in the last year, I’ve learned and observed that to be totally normal and a real blessing.  

I never was one to pay much mind to the moon and the lunar cycles.  I’d occasionally notice the full moon lighting up the sky, a beautiful sliver of light over the treeline, or the roads full of slightly more hazardous drivers.  I’m not sure when it shifted. It may have been during my time working in a 90 bed inpatient drug and alcohol treatment facility. The full moons became more apparent.  I started to consider that the weird monthly energy was more than a coincidence. But it wasn’t until I met one of my wonderful teachers and started really tuning myself to the lunar cycling, that I came to fully see its power.

For the past year I’ve tracked my menstrual and the lunar cycles in tandem.  I’ve come to see my energy wane and wax with the moon. I’ve noticed that I’m more reflective at the new moon and more social with the full.  I’ve noticed I need more down time as I approach the dark sky, and have more energy as the night sky brightens. And more than that, I learned that it isn’t just coincidence.  It is documented by many wise women for centuries and represented through goddesses and calendars. There are countless books, online resources, and worksheets. There are ways to set intentions and use the building energy to create a more aligned life.

Maybe you’re aware of all this, in which case maybe this is of no use to you.  However, if this is new information, I encourage you to work with it. Maybe just start as I did. Simply paying attention to the moon.  A little emotional journal. Note when you go internal and need more rest, notice when you have sparks of creativity or the unusual urge to go dancing.  Take it a step further. Maybe take a couple months of notes and start to plan your schedule around it. Maybe more social engagements around the full moon, more meditation and journaling around the new.  See if you feel more balanced, see if your tasks feel more manageable.

Consider that these moments of darkness aren’t inherently bad.  It’s not that we’re anxious and socially awkward, it’s just that we need some alone time to reflect.  The feeling of uncertainty and unknown are opportunities, not curses. The transformation, big or small, that’s happening now is inevitable and doesn’t have to be laden with fear.  We can start to learn, through tuning into the monthly cycles, how to maneuver through the yearly and life long cycles more gracefully and intentionally.

Please contact me to let me know what you do or, if you’re only just beginning, I would love to hear how it’s going!   I’m also offering a New Moon gathering for next month, so if you’re interested in learning a little more about aligning practices with the powerful moon, click here to join.

If you’re interested in learning more about lunar rhythms and deepening your connection at home, check out this great book that will give you info, practices and access to so much more online!


by admin