Category: gratitude

Country Hopping Couch Hopper

I haven’t written in a bit. I’m a little disappointed, but I’m going to go ahead and try to have some compassion for myself and carry on. I made the difficult decision to return to Canada and I spent the last couple weeks soaking up my remaining time in Cabo and transitioning back “home.”

I spent the majority of my time abroad living in different homes with the generous people I met along the way who were willing to share their spaces with me. I met some amazing people, saw some neat spaces, and got to test the waters living in a variety of different environments. It was amazing.

The last week of my stay I spent with a woman who I was drawn to right from the start. She was the one who looked at me within days of my arrival, when I thought I’d only be there for 9, and said something along the lines of “you live here now.” That simple sentence, packed with more wisdom than I originally anticipated, gave me the confidence to think “hey, maybe I COULD live here now.” And here we are, six months later.

ANYWAYS, our schedules did not align for us to get too close in my first couple stints in Cabo. She was in and out of the states and I disappeared off to Puerto Vallarta several times. However, we kept in touch, got a couple coffees in, and developed enough of a bond that she invited me into her home for the end of my Cabo days.

I so enjoyed every second of it. We ate some great meals, we laughed and cried, we made each other our morning coffees and prattled away on our respective phones without disrupting each other. It was respectful, easy and full of love and support. She introduced me to new people, made me feel welcome, and shared intimately with me. She also dropped me at the airport.

I flew through Mexico city and scheduled my flight so that I had 1pm until 9am to explore. I landed, hit the pavement, and strolled about the amazing buildings throughout the historic center. I managed to get inside a couple massive, and GORGEOUS churches, do a little shopping in funky hipster shops, and find some roof tops from which to enjoy the light of the setting sun. I walked around for 6 hours straight, snacked on gelato and al pastor tacos, and nestled into a stunning restaurant for an amazing meal before heading to my private hostel bed.

Early morning, I was whisked away to the airport for the remainder of my trip. A plane, skytrain, bus, ferry and car ride later, I arrived back in my suite in Nanaimo.

I came back to a lot of my furniture being thrown out and my things in forty boxes that encroached on every room. Part of my decision to remain in Mexico was that my space flooded just before I left town and wouldn’t be repaired until long after I was scheduled to return. It was hard enough to leave behind a lifestyle that made me happy, people that I loved and could be completely myself around, a country where I could live comfortably and joyfully… But coming back to a totally unsettled living space has amplified the experience and I’m not landing well at all. To top it off, for the first days of landing, I’d chosen to lean on someone who doesn’t have the skills to support me.

Currently, I’m feeling a bit more settled. I’ve been picking away at the boxes, unpacking and discarding. I’ve been plugging away at getting through my workload, and I’m slowly feeling more ready to schedule playdates. I have experienced the odd transition of coming home from abroad before, and I know it can be challenging. I’ve read some articles that have confirmed this is a thing, not at all unique to me. So, if any of you have experienced something similar, I invite you to share with me. Whether you have tips to navigate, or simply want to speak it aloud with someone who gets it, please reach out!

Until next time,

A

by admin

Another Farewell

The day I post this will be the same day that I transition, yet again. (Turns out I got swept away and this is actually going up a day late!) This time I return to Cabo. Puerto Vallarta has provided me with a mostly joyous and somewhat challenging experience that I will carry with me for life. I spent two and a half months here. Three if you count the 2 week stint when I visited in early January. In that time I met some interesting people, ate some great food, visited some sweet, neighboring towns, and did some serious self care and just a little shopping. I enjoy the city. I love the cobble stone streets, the different neighborhoods and the plethora of activities and food options. I love the lush green, the mountains and hills, the vast ocean crashing against the shore of the downtown core. I love the Zona Romantica with its colorful window displays, its abundance of rainbows, and its busy sidewalks. I love the quaint shops and galleries tucked into the Cinco de Diciembre neighbourhood, and I love the beautiful white bedroom nestled atop a spiral staircase that I’ve found myself residing in for the majority of my stay.

I love that songs filling the streets are alerts to fill up on gas, water and donuts. I love that the sidewalks are busted, uneven and lined with drooping powerlines. I love that I’m constantly inspired to stop and take photos of things that would never fly in Canada. Things like a rope as a barrier to the construction happening directly above the mass production of tortillas. Or, things like rebar sticking straight out in the middle of the sidewalk open for impaling the clumsy footed. I love most passersby say hola and that everyone addresses me as amiga. I love that the laundry guy remembers my name and prattles away in Spanish even though he knows I don’t understand a word. I love that the massage therapist I can afford to see regularly learned to speak English so well from videogames and I love that you can buy a 7 peso taco as easily as you can take in a superb twenty dollar plate in a fine dining establishment.

But, as with most love affairs, the things I loved are now being marred by things that get under my skin. The constant yapping of the neighbours dog wears thin on me. I hear it before I even make it into the main gate and I know to look forward to a night of interrupted sleep. The guy who must be learning to whistle who belts out the same part of the same tune over and over for hours has become a detriment to my workload. The Zumba music that filters its way on the wind from the park has impeded my focus for an hour per day and the heat, oh the heat. It is building and perhaps slowly frying my brain. I can’t be certain, but I’m pretty sure the laundry guy asked me why I’m so pale, and the answer is I might die if I were to lie out in the sun midday.

I’m being overly dramatic, more for the sake of humour than anything. But the truth is, these things are the things that make me long for home. For community. For familiarity. I can adapt to anything, I believe. I think we all can. And I like the challenge, to be honest! It makes me feel alive. I find it empowering. But I also long for a coffee with a safe friend where I can openly share my frustrations alongside some laughs. I suppose what I lack in Puerto Vallarta is community. There has been a steady stream of new and old faces that have been alongside me throughout my time, but that flow has stopped and I find myself alone. In some ways it is welcomed. It’s been nice to sit inside and read, work, do chores… live something resembling normal life. But I thrive on connection, I love daily coffee dates and routine walk and talks. While Cabo isn’t exactly home, it feels enough like home that I long to get there. It is where a large part of my heart and spirit remains. As soon as I felt ungrounded, I longed for my tribe there. I look forward to daily connections, delving into some self work, and spending my time more invested in the healing path, of myself and others. So, away I go!

by admin

When life happens.

My oh my, I’ve missed two weeks now. Though, I’m going to go ahead and mark a Tuesday post as only a NEAR miss… because, well, self compassion is key.

I ended up at the tail end of a cold, going through a lot of feelings and transitions with the full moon and riding the impacts of my menstrual cycle on the first week so I went ahead and forfeited. This week however, I had every intention to post and ended up out adventuring with the ladies who are currently in the house with me and forgot all about it.

Anyhow, I thought about leaving it until the coming Sunday but decided I wanted to take advantage of a moment of spare time and creative energy. I’m just going to give a little overview of the past week and leave a more thorough reflection for Sunday, but here goes.

Last Saturday, the woman who rents the house I’m staying at year round, and her friend, came down for 10 days. I was, of course, a little nervous about sharing space with relative strangers and wondered about my ability to do so given my emotional and physical state. A couple mornings sharing coffee put that anxiety to rest and we ended up on some pretty amazing adventures together. They invited me out for meals and day trips and I so enjoyed having their company.

I got to see San Pancho, a gorgeous beach between Punta Mita and Sayulita, and Los Arcos by boat. On the same boat trip, we ended up riding alongside various pods of dolphins on and off for an hour or so. Most of the ladies even shared a moment in the sea with a particularly curious specimen.

Today, these fine folk depart for Nanaimo. I currently sit in my room writing while they run some last minute errands and get their packing out of the way. It is a bit bittersweet for me, as I know few people in Puerto Vallarta and I’m not particularly keen on being alone to move through dental work, my own preparation to move forward in my travels, and my processing of the time spent in and around this city. However, I also know that I’ve come up against this feeling time and again as I’ve navigated this 5 months abroad and seemingly every time I’ve been handed exactly what I needed. I felt the same way walking into the time with these ladies and now I’m sad to see them go. I felt the same coming to Puerto Vallarta to begin with, and met some lovely folks, had some fulfilling and amazing experiences, came up against my past in an enlightening way and have been guided to my next steps, or at least plenty of options.

I have some fear, some anxiety, some doubt… But I also have niggles of faith and curiousity that, I’m sure, will carry me through whatever comes up next. Wish me luck, gang, and never hesitate to reach out as I always welcome the connection and am coming to trust their timing.

by admin

Music

Early in my university days, I was constantly inspired and trying new things. I was studying subjects that interested me, was volunteering at places and doing work I believed in, and was connecting with intelligent and curious people on the daily. I spent my mornings drinking coffee and listening to the hottest new Ted Talks and I felt constantly… engaged.

I stumbled upon a talk by a positive psychologist named Sean Achor and he spoke to how humans will always do what appears to be easiest. If sitting down on the couch and picking up the remote is that thing, you are likely to spend your time doing just that. I put by TV under a blanket with the remote in my bedroom and left my guitar out with sheet music open and the book I was reading bookmarked on the coffee table. It worked, and eventually I got rid of my TV altogether. I would like to say that I’m a proficient guitar player, but, what I CAN say is that 12 years later, I still don’t have a TV.

During this time, I also recognized how much more fulfilled I felt when I listened to music over other forms of entertainment. I dove into CBC Radio 2 and fell in love with the Signal with Laurie Brown. It played from 10 to midnight every night and I’d romance myself by laying comfortably on the floor with her radio program filling my ears and heart.

I posted an Instagram photo last week of a small Bluetooth speaker that I picked up at a Woolworth here in Puerto Vallarta. I don’t recall the caption, but I’m sure some likely thought it a bit tongue in cheek. However, this purchase was perhaps the best I’ve made in my time abroad. I’ve shazaamed tunes while out roaming the streets and have consequently been linked onto all sorts of amazing playlists through Spotify. Music has always been significant for me. I used to listen to the same song over and over until I knew every lyric. I’d sit at the computer for hours and belt it out when I was a teenager and I’m fairly certain it was the thing that got me through the fresh hell that was high school. When I’ve felt my life unmanageable as an adult, I’ve got in my car and driven with the tunes loud enough to drown out my thoughts. I’ve maintained the use of it as a tool, but I feel like it has been a while since I’ve listened to it just to enjoy it and be absorbed by it.

Right now, I’m here. Enjoying. Learning. Exploring. Feeling.

Every. Dang. Night. And it is so freaking good. Currently excited about Mardeleva. Check it.

by admin

Letting go

I sometimes believe this is the ultimate lesson in life.  My predominantly Buddhist education affirms that.  However, life in general does too.

I don’t like letting people go.  I’m not good at it either.  If I let someone in, they’re just in there.  Sometimes I can distance myself, but if ever they come back into my sphere, I mostly accept them with open arms.  I will always be happy to hear how my long last friend is doing.  I’ll always wish to connect where it’s possible.  I’ve travelled the world and been impacted by countless wonderful beings.  I’ve shared many weird and memorable moments.  I’ve wandered to cute cafes with handsome men and shared deep, inspired conversations about addiction.  I’ve stuffed a pillow in my shirt feigning pregnancy in an ashram with a beautiful woman from Brazil.  I’ve shared heartache and shopped trekking gear with an Aussie woman I trusted with my life.  I befriended a German woman who I still fantasize about connecting with over sweets in Croatia. 

I’ve had less substantial connections as well.  People I had brief conversations with over the internet, or people who I met outside a bar one night, and they’re in there too.  If someone’s shown me kindness, or shone light on something within me, they stick.  I’ve had more substantial connections too, of course.  A man who swept me off my feet and who showed me the relationship I want still, to this day.  A man I shared several homes with over 5 years who introduced me to aspects of myself I didn’t know I could bring to fruition, like owning my own business and creating something I could share with the world.

I’ve had weird situations where I didn’t even speak to a person but felt an energetic safety while lounging on mats under the sun on retreat.  I’ve shared a few words with someone at a bus stop or after an event.  Brief, seemingly insignificant exchanges that impacted the trajectory of my life.

I’m sure we can all say these things.  Other people are mirrors of ourselves and windows into our futures.  The briefest exchanges can make or break a day.  We have the ability to share kindness or shed light in the dark.  We have the ability to wound or to shake each others foundations.

People are perfectly imperfect, we can let them in and grow along side them, or we can take their potentially harmful behaviour and use it to guide us away from them and into the metaphorical, or literal, arms of those who can support us.  Regardless of who you are, or how we met, I’ve been changed by you.  Perhaps in a deep, unshakable way, or maybe in a way so subtle I’m not yet aware of it.  But you’ve impacted me, and I’m grateful for you.  Ultimately you’re still in my heart and I welcome you to say hi, to let me know how you are, and to share a reunion of spirits.  Sometimes, I wish that I could let some go fully, make more space in my heart.  But perhaps our hearts are boundless and the more we maintain and honour those slivers of connections, the more we can connect with those who cross our paths every day.  Or maybe we can honour while letting go, keeping them forever in our hearts with gratitude for how they shaped our lives. 

by admin

The Holiday Post

I want to get a post out before the season has completely passed us by. I love this time of year. I like the lights and the trees indoors. I enjoy the gatherings and the food. I look forward to hunkering down with my family for a couple days to eat, walk and rest. And while I mostly can’t sit through an entire movie, I’m even a suck for Christmas flicks, though 99% of them are cheesy romances that leave me in tears.

This year was particularly special for a few reasons. One was that my nephew is of an age where he’s actively wanting to participate in all the traditional things like gingerbread houses, tree hunting and decorating, even making and wrapping gifts! Another is that I happened upon a lot of time off to enjoy these things with him. My whole family (minus my ma) went to cut down trees at the tree farm. My nephew and I built the most gaudy gingerbread house I’ve ever seen. I got to go shed tears while I watched my nephew sing in his Christmas concert and I had him over and helped him assemble a bracelet for himself and his dad.

Another joy of this year was that I didn’t shop much. I opted to give little. Partly because I had all this time off to do the fun things, because I was not making the money… But also, partly because it’s not really what it’s about and it’s often a stressful addition. I even made one of my moms gifts, something that I love to do, but haven’t had the time for the last few years. (It was a travel case for carrying her paintbrushes to her art classes, if you’re wondering.)

With all this time off, I also managed other things I may not have otherwise. I was energetically able to attend gatherings I likely wouldn’t have prioritized if I were working full time. Not because I don’t like to attend, but because energy management is a real thing for me. Anyways, I made it to the potluck at the place I volunteer and had a lovely meal and meaningful conversation with other counselors. I made it to a potluck with my sister circle, and enjoyed time around a tree with some great women that have contributed to my healing in the past year in unique ways. I was able to go connect with some of my sangha over food and drink, rather than in silence. Although, I even managed to slip into a weekend silent retreat for a few days amongst it all!

Normally I’m wrapped up in Christmas markets, but this year I decided to only do two and they fell on the same weekend. I still got to participate in the vendor experience, that has it’s highs and lows but that I ultimately quite enjoy, but I didn’t have to slave away or exhaust myself. While grateful for the funds they provided me with, again it was more about the enjoyment of connecting with other vendors, supporting locals, and of course, swapping goodies!

I feel like I could go on, I’m that grateful this season, but I’ll wrap it up with one last lovely adventure. We used to drive around as a kid and count the houses with lights. Every year I wish to do things like carriage rides through downtown Victoria, the Ladysmith light up, or Butchart gardens. Every year, I suppose I’m too busy, or tired, or bogged down to get my butt there. This year, a lovely human I’ve connected with, took me to Butchart. We wandered around all the beautiful lights both before dark and after. While I TOTALLY missed the point until quite a ways through (I thought, hmm that’s weird, why are there chickens eating pastries by the Eiffel tower?- It wasn’t until we got to what I found the weirdest of them all, a bunch of ghostly looking women surrounding a cow, that I realized they were the 3 French hens and the 8 maids a milking…) I found it absolutely beautiful. (I did also drive through Ladysmith a few times to get my fill during my various trips down island.)

With so much free time, I also decided to search out volunteer opportunities. I connected with the Salvation Army and signed up to bring meals to the elderly who are otherwise spending Christmas entirely alone. I ended up falling ill and being unable to deliver, but was presented with a different opportunity to feed the homeless on the 27th when I was feeling a little better. Every year I fantasize about hosting an assembly sandwich making afternoon and delivering but I’ve never known how to go about it or what hoops to jump through. This year, the opportunity fell into my lap (and someone else dealt with the police and bylaw officers to boot!) and, while I was sad to not be able to help out at the Salvation Army, I’m grateful to have made it out yesterday.

Anyways, I wanted to share all this because I’m happy I suppose. It was a nice holiday season full of what I believe it to be meant for. As we approach New Years Eve, I’m delving into two new jobs, wrapping up my current one, volunteering and preparing to venture to Victoria for yoga teacher training. The calm and quiet is making way for an overabundance of development, but you know what? I feel prepared, and even excited, to roll with it.

I know that not everyone has this kind of experience over the holidays. I know a LOT of people are overworked. I know a lot of people are around family that they mostly can’t stand, I know a lot of sober people fight to be around the party and I know a few people who got particularly heavy news. I know some people are alone and some people are on the streets. I know that not everyone is nice, not everyone has warm experiences of Christmas. And I’ve had those years too. However, which ever way this season is landing for you, I hope you can find moments of rest. I hope you can find moments of stillness in nature. I hope you can find some light in the darkest days of the year. I wish you a Merry Christmas. And a very happy new year.

by admin

Retreat

I am painfully aware that it has been a significant length of time since I last wrote and posted.  I’ve decided to do my best to get a check in of sorts out into the abyss of the internet so that I may reinvigorate my commitment to write more frequently. 

I think I last wrote shortly before departing on a month-long meditation retreat.  I will likely share a bit about that amongst some other reflections.  I’ll start by saying that normally, on retreat, students are expected to refrain from writing, with the exception of taking notes during classes.  This means that for the month of retreat, I gave up my morning writing practice.  I’ll go on to say that while my intention for the month was to be in one place going deep into a silent practice, the reality of the situation was quite different.  I arrived at my chosen destination to discover I was being put up in a shared, and not so quiet space.  I then found out the teachings I anticipated being able to attend were mostly closed off to the volunteers.  These things, on top of being in close proximity to someone I had not wrapped my head around being more than silent with, were enough to propel a change of plans.

I was speaking to my meditation teacher via phone throughout these discoveries and she helped me decide if I was “mat rolling” (a term I learned in this process that refers to bailing out of fear or discomfort, rather than out of wisdom and self care) or if I was, in fact, doing what was best for me.  In the end I decided to stay for the first 10 day retreat that was being held and then depart.  

I let go of the idea of being in silent and deep retreat and, instead, embraced the connections blossoming amongst the volunteers, resident monks and lamas.  I attended what classes and sits I could amongst my chores and used the social opportunity to ask questions.  I have been a student who sits at the front of the class, listens intently to the teacher, and then goes home.  Engaging with the fellow students, or even the teacher beyond scheduled interviews, was not something I’ve been very interested in.  Until recently.  So, you can imagine, with the breadth of thousands of years of teachings, I have some questions!  Being in the company of more dedicated practitioners with more years of practice was very enlightening. 

While finishing my time at the Hermitage, I also planned to leave Denman Island and travel to a friend’s place on Galiano to finish the month solo and in silence.  My teacher, a very busy and successful woman, was off teaching in conferences around Hawaii and the U.S. so she arranged for me to connect with her teacher on the long, little island.  I downloaded a bunch of her past dharma talks and guided meditations, packed up a bunch of art supplies to work with a visualization practice, and off I went. 

Her teacher, Lama Mark Webber, runs a retreat center on Galiano called Crystal Mountain.  I was blessed to attend retreat there in the summer, and also a mini weekend retreat the few days before I’d left for Denman.  Anyhow, I left for Galiano expecting to be on my own with one interview to ask questions and instead was approved to attend two weeks of the four-and-a-half-month long retreat he was/is in the middle of teaching.  The experience was strong, intellectual, often scientific information.  Mostly two classes per day and a study group in the afternoon to play with and explore concepts.  Very different than what I was used to, but I believe what very much I needed.

I finished the month with a short retreat at the Bethleham Center here in Nanaimo.  This was where Lama Mark approved me receiving audio recordings as the classes continue, so my morning writing practice continues to suffer.  I often allow myself an hour or two to listen and follow along in the text.  However, with more and more to process, I’m feeling drawn to finding the time to write as well, and so decided to post today.

I’ve gone on long enough, so I just want to sum up my experience and leave further details and images (I went for a lot of hikes, and Galiano is awe strikingly beautiful) for another day.  While this experience was not at all what I’d prepared for, even fretted about, it was amazing in a lot of ways.  I felt ready for more knowledge, I was feeling more curious to go deeper into the philosophy and that was exactly what was offered to me in a variety of ways.  I’d felt lots of pull to Galiano and Lama Mark in previous retreats throughout the summer and was blessed to end up there learning in great depth from him.  And perhaps the biggest take away, was I was busy.  I didn’t get to slow way down and find deep stillness which has been characteristic of other retreats.  I instead was chopping wood, making food, walking lots, driving up and down Galiano, speaking some and practicing a traditional, seated practice very little.  Why is this so awesome, you might ask?  Because, for the first time, I had a period to practice building meditation, contemplation and study into my daily life, into my connections and into my obligations.  I’ve found it so much easier to return home and dedicate space to continuing on.  I’ve experienced great shifts without having to be in a state that isn’t so accessible outside of a typical retreat environment.  I believe this will help me immensely moving forward and though I feel ready to delve into a month of proper retreat sometime soon, I’m also really grateful for the way this month turned out.

by admin

Those you keep close.

I’m late again! One of these days I may just push it to Monday as my weekends seem to disappear ever so quickly. Anyways, I’m going to share a bit about excitement this week.

I learned somewhere in my training to counsel others that physiologically, the same thing happens in our body when we’re excited as when we’re anxious, but the thoughts we have are what determine the emotion. Since learning this I’ve given extra attention when anxious to the thoughts I have and whether I can adjust them to change how I interpret my feelings, and what I’ve often noticed is that I fluctuate from one to the other. Sometimes quite quickly.

Currently, well in the next hour or so, I’m embarking on a short road trip to Victoria to explore a potential avenue of personal and professional development. I’ve been flip flopping between gleeful excitement and hesitant anxiety. I imagine a life in which it all works out and I’m employed in a meaningful and excited way with all sorts of freedoms and feel stoked, and then I flip to the fact my beau and I will be apart longer and our relationship challenged. I imagine instead that I spend all this money and energy and still lack confidence or direction, and I, of course, feel trepidations and anxious about moving forward.

I do believe there to be a link between things like how well I’m feeding myself or how much rest I’m getting and which story happens but the biggest thing I’ve noticed in my week of anticipation is that it makes the most difference in who I’m talking with about it.

The people who express generous and genuine interest and enthusiasm help pump me up. They are encouraging my exploration and enhancing my confidence to pursue it. And, you know what, in that energy of dialogue, it doesn’t even matter so much if I do go and spend all the money and not end up where my heart desires.

They say to choose your friends wisely and that you’re most like those you keep close. I continue to evaluate the overarching themes in my support and work on believing I’m worth it and deserving of those that hold me in high esteem and still possess a love and curiousity about life and all it’s experiences, thus inspiring me, getting me through the prevalent self doubt and bringing me closer to an excited, expansive existence.

That’s all from me this week. I’ll hopefully have some exciting news or some thorough reflections for you all next week. Until then!

by admin

Better late than never!

Apologies for the late post. I had full intention to get it out yesterday, only one day late, but after I tell you of my past week, you may understand why that didn’t happen. Or you may not, and that’s fine too as long as you work to accept it’s my reality!

So, maybe a month ago, an opportunity to attend a 30 day meditation retreat came to me. As I started to work through the logistics, it occurred to me that I would need to make some money in order to take a month of work, and potentially not have a job to return to at the end. I started taking on any shift that came my way, and also tried to develop and schedule workshops to help me bring in a little extra.

Currently I’m in the busy-ness that created. The last two weeks I worked double my normal work load and then, to top it off, this past weekend I left work Friday and dived into a full weekend of training to become a trauma-informed yoga teacher. Yesterday, I slept and graciously accepted a massage from my generous girlfriend in exchange for some jewelry. And that was about it.

I think I want to just share a little bit about how I’m doing, and maybe, if it feels fitting, to also share a little of my weekend. I’m feeling a lot of gratitude right now. I’m tired, I have another busy couple of weeks coming, and I’m experiencing a fair bit of internal conflict about a few areas in my life. However, I’m also feeling like I’ve manifested a lot of amazing support. I was introduced to a healer who’s program I couldn’t afford and felt a fair bit of shame around; but then the wonderful people I’ve surrounded myself with all stepped forward to offer services free of charge or in exchange for various things. I felt like I was lacking female connection and found my way into this sister circle where I’m finding my way into deeper female energy. I also met a wonderful new friend in training this weekend who I look forward to connecting with further.

If I look at the big picture, the struggles of slow shifts and lots of hours spent idle and in my own messy brain, have allowed me the extra freedom to eat out freely during training, to invest in things like car repairs, and to treat myself without the normal guilt, to the odd extravagance.

I’m about to embark on a day of re training with one of my jobs, and then to volunteer. Tomorrow and for the rest of the week I move into shifts followed by other commitments, but I am revigorated after this weekend of learning, processing, and pushing my comfort zone, and feel better able to welcome the flow.

I think for now, that’s all I’ll share. I hope this post finds you well, and I’d like to say (so that perhaps it helps me move faster with it!) I do plan to revamp this blog and bring it to a template where dialogue can be shared below each post. My intention was never to lecture, but instead for this to be a place to share ideas and experiences. This template, despite various efforts of mine and my techy friends, doesn’t seem to allow that. Be patient and envision with me a future of the couch hopper where more than my experience will be heard!! Until next week.

by admin

Summer time and the livings easy.

I feel as though I could go in a few different directions today, but I think I’m going to just write and see what comes out.  I’m feeling a ton of gratitude this week.  My energy levels have been okay, or at least the voice that tells me how tired I am has quieted.  I’ve been out a lot, between working extra shifts and having a slough of other commitments, but I’ve been making it to the ones I’ve intended to and I’ve been engaging in a way that’s powerful and meaningful. 

We just passed Litha, the Sabbat that falls on the Pagan calendar between spring and fall.  Perhaps more commonly known as Summer solstice.  It falls on the longest day of sunlight and is the peak before the energy starts to wain back towards winter.  I feel as though the overwhelm of gratitude is fitting, as we have space now to enjoy the fruits of our early spring seeds. 

My hopes this year were to cultivate more connection with likeminded individuals, particularly women.  I wanted to find support and confidence in continuing to do what I love (make jewelry, host workshops, teach yoga, travel.)  I planned to focus on myself and find the sense of self I held so strongly years ago. 

This week, as I attended a variety of events with women, including a summer solstice celebration, a meditation group focused on sobriety, and a full moon celebration complete with crafts, I felt the fruits of my labour out for the picking.  And now, as I explore and sift through what is being presented, I know I’m cultivating the strength to find what will best serve me going forward.

I’ve been presented with some amazing opportunities, including a month long silent retreat on Denman Island, and I’m feeling so much gratitude for the space and general lack of stability that’s allowing me to travel and delve into things that aren’t so well accessed by those in full time jobs. 

I’ve been preparing for a market in the small windows of time throughout the week, where I actually sit now.  It’s been slow, as these things often are, but I was smart to bring a laptop to do some prep work for next weekend so I can have less work and more fun.  I felt a bit overwhelmed, with appointments before work and gatherings after, but yesterday between my making hours, I joined a friend for a walk through the forest and to the beach.  We listened to music and sat on a beautiful deck overlooking the ocean.  Then I met another friend for a coffee close to home and even stopped for a quick look through a nearby thrift shop.  So much great conversation and connection.  Yet another thing I was immensely grateful for and that left me feeling energized.

I feel as though my life is full and with those things that I desired.  The things that leave me feeling whole and filled up.  The people that inspire and instil curiosity.  Those people that offer me so much just by being them and ask nothing of me. 

I still have the voice that says I’m too tired or things are too hard or unmanageable.  The general anxiety voice that tells me that the to do list is never-ending and so overwhelming that I can’t possibly get through it.  But it’s quiet, it’s in the background, and the good is overpowering it.  The near certainty that what I’m engaging with will lift me is letting “it” know it can’t have me.  It can’t rob me of connection and movement and fun.

I know now that the hours of sunlight are lessening, and the energy is waning.  I’m excited to pare down.  To spend some time accessing and figuring out what is for my highest good and what I can let go of.  To find a little more stability and certainty within myself.  But first, I look forward to some warm months of spending time with my circle and settling into the wonder of the moment.  A friend, the same I had coffee with yesterday, gifted me a little hand made card at Christmas that said “take time to delight in the little joys of the season.”  I leave it up all year round.  If we could live by this, how much magic we may find. 

by admin