Apologies for the late post. I had full intention to get it out yesterday, only one day late, but after I tell you of my past week, you may understand why that didn’t happen. Or you may not, and that’s fine too as long as you work to accept it’s my reality!
So, maybe a month ago, an opportunity to attend a 30 day meditation retreat came to me. As I started to work through the logistics, it occurred to me that I would need to make some money in order to take a month of work, and potentially not have a job to return to at the end. I started taking on any shift that came my way, and also tried to develop and schedule workshops to help me bring in a little extra.
Currently I’m in the busy-ness that created. The last two weeks I worked double my normal work load and then, to top it off, this past weekend I left work Friday and dived into a full weekend of training to become a trauma-informed yoga teacher. Yesterday, I slept and graciously accepted a massage from my generous girlfriend in exchange for some jewelry. And that was about it.
I think I want to just share a little bit about how I’m doing, and maybe, if it feels fitting, to also share a little of my weekend. I’m feeling a lot of gratitude right now. I’m tired, I have another busy couple of weeks coming, and I’m experiencing a fair bit of internal conflict about a few areas in my life. However, I’m also feeling like I’ve manifested a lot of amazing support. I was introduced to a healer who’s program I couldn’t afford and felt a fair bit of shame around; but then the wonderful people I’ve surrounded myself with all stepped forward to offer services free of charge or in exchange for various things. I felt like I was lacking female connection and found my way into this sister circle where I’m finding my way into deeper female energy. I also met a wonderful new friend in training this weekend who I look forward to connecting with further.
If I look at the big picture, the struggles of slow shifts and lots of hours spent idle and in my own messy brain, have allowed me the extra freedom to eat out freely during training, to invest in things like car repairs, and to treat myself without the normal guilt, to the odd extravagance.
I’m about to embark on a day of re training with one of my jobs, and then to volunteer. Tomorrow and for the rest of the week I move into shifts followed by other commitments, but I am revigorated after this weekend of learning, processing, and pushing my comfort zone, and feel better able to welcome the flow.
I think for now, that’s all I’ll share. I hope this post finds you well, and I’d like to say (so that perhaps it helps me move faster with it!) I do plan to revamp this blog and bring it to a template where dialogue can be shared below each post. My intention was never to lecture, but instead for this to be a place to share ideas and experiences. This template, despite various efforts of mine and my techy friends, doesn’t seem to allow that. Be patient and envision with me a future of the couch hopper where more than my experience will be heard!! Until next week.
A friend of mine is planning a journey to various parts of the world including Bali, India and Nepal. I’ve been sharing my experiences with him and was reflecting fondly on my time near Boudha Stupa in my recent trip to Nepal. I had a rather mundane week that I was fairly down through out, so racking my brain for something to write today ended with my wanting to share a bit of this experience with you all.
So, my trip to Nepal started outside of Kathmandu at Kopan Monastery, which I’ve written about in another blog post. After my 10 days there, I ventured to Pokhara and some surroundings areas, then down to Lumbini and Chitwan National Park and then back up toward Kathmandu venturing out of the main spots to visit places like Begnas Lake and Sarangot.
My first and last week were dedicated to the Kathmandu area, and I tell ya, it was not a pretty site. The main drag was totally catered to tourists and was full of western style restaurants and knick knacks. It was dirty and underwhelming for me and I couldn’t wait to head towards Pokhara, a less busy hub.
However, on the last week, I situated myself a bit out of the chaos of tourist central, Kathmandu. I found a homestay a 10 minute walk from Boudha Stupa and ended up staying there a total of 6 nights. The family I stayed with were quite sweet and while the area was fairly dusty and in need of repairs, likely from residual earthquake damage, the quaint winding roads to the Boudha Stupa made up for it.
Boudha Stupa
A stupa is basically a Buddhist shrine, or holy place. The whole structure was adorned with prayer flags and lined with prayer wheels. Every day people came in and walked clockwise around the structure, some spinning prayer wheels and chanting, “Om Mani Padme Hum,” translated to “the Jewel of the lotus.” In Buddhism there are 3 jewels representing the Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha. The Lotus refers to the Dharma, or Buddhist teachings. No matter what time of day or night, the place was crowded with people practicing prostrations and prayer.
The Stupa itself was surrounded with buildings. Some the home of shops, homestays and restaurants.In each rectangle are Buddhist prayer wheels. People would walk the perimeter spinning each wheels and chanting Om Mani Padme Hum.
I loved being so near a space that was actively being used as a place of worship at all times of day. I happened to be in town during a big Hindu festival, Tihar. This festival is celebrated over several days (also known in India as Diwali, I believe, or closely related from what I understood from dialogue with locals and friends in India.) One of the days is a celebration of Goddess Lakshmi and butter lamps and beautiful sand mandalas are put out on the door steps with lamps leading their way into the home lighting and inviting Lakshmi into the home. The beautiful lamps set out at each of the shop doors were beautiful and the space was alive with music and offerings.
Offering of Marigolds in oil.Butter lamps leading the way for Lakshmi.
Lakshmi is a Goddess of wealth/prosperity and they invite her in to bless their family for the coming year. This beautiful image of her created in sand marked one of the shop entrances around the Stupa.
Lakshmi.
This whole piece of Nepal is quite special to me. I left and went back to the same homestay and enjoyed days and nights visiting, wandering around and eating at or around the square. I met an ex monk who made the best soup and proposed to me (for a green card, but still), I lost my phone and miraculously had it returned to me, I met a beautiful Indian couple who told me about Nepal in the old days. I spent time reconnecting with a friend from my first days in the monastery and even ventured back to the monastery to say my farewells. I met a couple other friendly travellers, nursed a cold, and ate many meals with the nice couple I stayed with. I longed to bring home some sort of daily ritual, something that could keep me grounded in my practice and in my connection to others and nature, and while I struggle to find this consistency, this memory remains a fond one full of potential.
I feel as though I could go in a few different directions
today, but I think I’m going to just write and see what comes out. I’m feeling a ton of gratitude this
week. My energy levels have been okay,
or at least the voice that tells me how tired I am has quieted. I’ve been out a lot, between working extra
shifts and having a slough of other commitments, but I’ve been making it to the
ones I’ve intended to and I’ve been engaging in a way that’s powerful and
meaningful.
We just passed Litha, the Sabbat that falls on the Pagan calendar
between spring and fall. Perhaps more
commonly known as Summer solstice. It
falls on the longest day of sunlight and is the peak before the energy starts
to wain back towards winter. I feel as
though the overwhelm of gratitude is fitting, as we have space now to enjoy the
fruits of our early spring seeds.
My hopes this year were to cultivate more connection with
likeminded individuals, particularly women.
I wanted to find support and confidence in continuing to do what I love
(make jewelry, host workshops, teach yoga, travel.) I planned to focus on myself and find the sense
of self I held so strongly years ago.
This week, as I attended a variety of events with women,
including a summer solstice celebration, a meditation group focused on sobriety,
and a full moon celebration complete with crafts, I felt the fruits of my
labour out for the picking. And now, as
I explore and sift through what is being presented, I know I’m cultivating the
strength to find what will best serve me going forward.
I’ve been presented with some amazing opportunities,
including a month long silent retreat on Denman Island, and I’m feeling so much
gratitude for the space and general lack of stability that’s allowing me to travel
and delve into things that aren’t so well accessed by those in full time
jobs.
I’ve been preparing for a market in the small windows of
time throughout the week, where I actually sit now. It’s been slow, as these things often are,
but I was smart to bring a laptop to do some prep work for next weekend so I
can have less work and more fun. I felt
a bit overwhelmed, with appointments before work and gatherings after, but
yesterday between my making hours, I joined a friend for a walk through the
forest and to the beach. We listened to
music and sat on a beautiful deck overlooking the ocean. Then I met another friend for a coffee close
to home and even stopped for a quick look through a nearby thrift shop. So much great conversation and connection. Yet another thing I was immensely grateful
for and that left me feeling energized.
I feel as though my life is full and with those things that
I desired. The things that leave me
feeling whole and filled up. The people that
inspire and instil curiosity. Those
people that offer me so much just by being them and ask nothing of me.
I still have the voice that says I’m too tired or things are
too hard or unmanageable. The general
anxiety voice that tells me that the to do list is never-ending and so
overwhelming that I can’t possibly get through it. But it’s quiet, it’s in the background, and the
good is overpowering it. The near
certainty that what I’m engaging with will lift me is letting “it” know it can’t
have me. It can’t rob me of connection
and movement and fun.
I know now that the hours of sunlight are lessening, and the
energy is waning. I’m excited to pare
down. To spend some time accessing and
figuring out what is for my highest good and what I can let go of. To find a little more stability and certainty
within myself. But first, I look forward
to some warm months of spending time with my circle and settling into the
wonder of the moment. A friend, the same
I had coffee with yesterday, gifted me a little hand made card at Christmas
that said “take time to delight in the little joys of the season.” I leave it up all year round. If we could live by this, how much magic we may
find.
Hey all. I’m back in the “real world,” so to speak. I arrived back home late Monday night and have taken the week to catch up with some friends, get back into the work groove, and most importantly, to rest. I often come back from travelling in need of a vacation! I’m not the pool side, lounger that some folks are. I want to experience everything and it’s the one area of my life where I tend to push myself beyond what I know might be best for me. I walk until my feet are bloody (metaphorically, mostly…) and sacrifice sleep for an adventure. I eat like it’s Christmas dinner at every meal, and tend to leave my frugality at home. Alas, I arrive home quite tired and between the jetlag and the general exhaustion, it takes me some days. I digress, I’m home, I’m mostly mended, and I still have so much to share!
So, as a lover of the arts, and the partner of an artist, I feel like I would be doing a disservice if I didn’t acknowledge the breadth of the art experience in NYC. I mentioned a little in my first NYC post, just about the artist we stayed with, Bryans work there, and some of the galleries we visited briefly on the first trip into Manhattan. However, throughout the rest of our stay in the Bronx, we saw so much everyday. Between street art, public sculpture, subway décor, more of the Chelsea district and a couple mostly disappointing trips to the MOMA and it’s affiliate PS1, we saw a lot!
So, where to start… Maybe we the easy to sum up. The MOMA was mediocre for me. I didn’t see much that drew me in, and the stuff I felt obligated to explore a bit didn’t hold a lot of weight. I did however see some classics that are always kind of neat to share space with, including Van Gogh’s starry night, Monet’s Water lilies, Klimpt, and a collection of Jackson Pollock’s.
Vincent Van GoghClaude MonetJackson PollockGustav Klimt
The best thing between the MOMA and it’s smaller affiliate PS1, BY FAR, was the work of Zheng Guogu. He played with conventional Thanka paintings (traditionally used as meditation aids) and created a mesmerizing, bold, and captivating collection of large works that Bryan and I both fell in love with. Unfortunately no books or other swag were available to take home, but I did get some decent shots. Oh, just looking at these! My heart!
I personally love stumbling upon the street art, whether it be murals, graffiti, public sculpture, or the artists featured at all the subway stops. There is no shortage in NYC. I’ll just share a couple of my faves, some tiled florals, and some, fun, tiny bronz people that were cleverly hidden all around the station above and below ground.
Nancy BlumNancy BlumTom Otterness
We also made the trek to the 9/11 memorial. I wasn’t expecting to be impacted like I was. I’m not sure why considering, like most people, I can still remember the day it happened. It was pretty surreal. Big fountains into seemingly bottomless pits with thousands of names carved into the edges. The flowers are placed on the names on the days that would have been their birthdays. My emotions were high, and we stepped into the subway to a powerhouse lady wailing on her violin and it was all too much. I wept.
I think I best be leaving it there. Forgive the length of this post! I’ve barely touched the scope of what we saw, but I’ve gone on long enough. Perhaps this will end up a two parter, or perhaps I’ll leave the rest to my scrapbook. I hope you enjoyed it! Until next week.
Well, I’ve seen too much to share it all in one post, so I’m going to just share the tourist stops and save some of the other goodies for another week. We found our way to several subway lines from our house and can get almost everywhere in the city with little effort. The place is the home of a… let’s call him a collector. We have a headboard to ceiling collection of Barbie dolls lining the wall behind our bed, and enough plants in the bedroom it kinda of feels like a jungle. My favourite though is his most recent habit, crystal collecting!
Anyways, we’ve done a lot in a short period of time, as you do (or at least I do,) when you travel. We wandered through central park, have taken the Staten Island ferry (both at sunset and for a day trip to a Tibetan Art Museum,) we’ve been to a one star Michelin restaurant, seen Times Square, wandered the high line and the Chelsea district galleries, and we briefly stopped by the 9/11 memorial to contemplate and shed some tears. I’m writing this for you on Friday to be posted Sunday as Sunday will not allow me the time, so there’s still more to cram into the next couple days including Brooklyn, some of the big galleries and a few more tasty meals.
I left you last Sunday with us departing for Times Square. We made it safely, took some obligatory photos, and then checked out a surrounding few blocks. We ended up getting caught in crazy torrential rain and hid out in a souvenir shop checking out the weird novelty trump bobble heads in hopes the rain would let up.
We spent nearly the full next day just in Central Park. We stepped out of the park for lunch and a little thrift shopping, but otherwise just walked the trails, stopped at the fountains, and enjoyed the views. It covers a pretty spectacular amount of Manhattan and I loved that it was full of meandering folks laying in the grass, cycling, and rowing. We only actually made it about half way from North to South, it’s that big!
While the whole park was quite beautiful, one of my favourite stops was a quite, small little area with a fountain and a few small birds splashing around.
We were planning to head to Staten Island to see a gallery on a different day, but ended up near the South Ferry and opted for a sunset ride a couple days early. We loaded, went across, got a pretzel and headed back. We just happened to catch a relatively clear night and watched the red orb of the sun slowly lower behind the Statue Of Liberty on the ride back.
We still did make it over yesterday to visit the gallery though. It was a Tibetan Art Gallery, a must-see according to another gallery Bryan visited. Having seen so much throughout Nepal, the collection itself, wasn’t amazing for me. However, the garden space and the general feeling of being in a monastery-esque space was a nice step out of the big apple. Plus, we got to play ping pong with our minds… so whatevs.
On what I imagine was our last trip on the Staten Island Ferry, we got nice and close to the Statue for one more shot.
I’m nearing the end of the time I’ve allotted to writing, so I think I’ll just wrap up with a few general reflections on my time here. My first taste of NYC I didn’t much enjoy, I’ll admit. Our first visit to Chelsea was unremarkable (aside from the art, but every big city has a lot of art.) I didn’t enjoy the views, especially coming from the pristine countryside. The city blocks were crowded and nothing so special. Times Square was depressing. It summed America up pretty well for me. Constant and overwhelming bombardment of what you need to buy, do, see in order to be “better” than you currently are. Huge, big box, corporate stores and a general denial of the earth and it’s cycles through lights so bright it could be any time of day.
However, despite my general dislike of the western dream and it’s portrayal throughout Manhattan, I have found some quaint areas, some beautiful buildings, and some communal squares with European nuance. Our Michelin star experience was unreal and I look forward to experiencing some of Brooklyn too. I leave in only 3 more days! It’s gone quick and I think to really get a feel for the whole city you would need weeks, better walking shoes, or unlimited cab fare allowance...
So, maybe not what some would imagine for a trip to the big apple, but today I wrapped up my first 3 nights in the country of New York State. The first night I arrived in the evening and met my beau at Grand Central. I got off the bus and only walked a block to the beautiful, huge train station. It was raining and grey. The lights, pedestrians and emergency vehicles made it hard for my eyes to focus. The overwhelm reminiscent of the chaos that was India.
We hopped on a train bound for Peekskill, about an hour north of Manhattan. We arrived and stopped at Bryan’s friends’ restaurant for a late dinner before heading to our home for 2 nights. The residence of Vancouver raised artist, Cal Lane.
Some of Cal’s pieces lining one of the walls in the living room. Kama Sutra images cut out of oil cans.
We went to bed not long after arriving home, but I woke to explore the house which is essentially an artists studio, full of amazing works and funky, though modest decor.
One of Cal Lane’s works that’s found it’s home on her 5 acre lot. Bryan’s just hanging out in the crotch.
That afternoon Cal and her partner took us to a Buddhist monastery and then to a lake for a lovely picnic lunch. It was a quiet day during which I was grateful to have to land and adjust peacefully, but was also anxious to get into the city to explore. We spent our second night sleeping in the barn, set up with a living room, bedroom and giant projector. We watched movies and slept in the big, creaky, high ceilinged, twinkle light lit, barn.
There were thousands of these tiny Buddha’s all around the main MASSIVE Buddha inside the main temple.
Saturday, Cal graciously took us into Chelsea to explore some of the gallery district. In a city block, we wondered into probably 10 different galleries, featuring big names and wonderful work.
Frank Stella works, the inspiration for our trip to Chelsea.He’s matchy matchy!Jose Parla. A treat, indeed.
We decided to hop and skip a few blocks to Greenwich village for a bite to eat at Fig and Olive, a beautiful room with delightful, French-inspired food.
We ended the day at Cal’s lake house. Isolated, quiet and beautiful. We went for an evening kayak and spent the morning on the deck enjoying our coffee with the last our of our country time before settling into our current home in the Bronx.
The lake house deck. Yup, I could live here.
Next week I should have more to share in regards to our city adventures. Today we had a stuffed pizza and wandered a little around the neighbourhood. Tonight we’re heading to Times Square and tomorrow to hang out in Central Park. We have a loose schedule of our must-sees scattered throughout the week and we hope to fill the gaps with whatever inspires us along the way! ‘Til next time!
I’ve decided that this week I’m going to give a little hodge podge of information culminating in a raving author review. Partly because it’s most authentic to me at this moment, but also partly because it is the state of my focus as I’ve either been fighting a cold, or living with allergies this whole past week.
SO, first on the docket. This past Monday my sweet little fur baby succumbed to pats. I thought I felt, or heard, the slightest resemblance of a purr as I gave him tentative pats while feeding him. Turned out I was right and he started head butting me for more. It quickly turned into a cuddle session with what seemed like an entirely different cat. He rolled around, snuggled up on me and nestled into my arms. Since that moment, we have had daily snuggles, his purrs have gotten stronger and louder, and his startle response is some what subdued. He still sometimes hisses, and runs away if I try to pat him any time outside of hand feeding, but the progress is undeniable and exciting.
Sweet Yuri’s little paws!
Second, I’d like to acknowledge my upcoming departure for New York City. I leave at 4am on Thursday and arrive in NYC around 4pm. My wonderful beau and his colleague are going to pick me up and wisk me away to Peekskill, a town about an hour north of Manhattan. Our time is already jam packed with adventures and I know it’ll be an exciting time. I don’t tend to get very excited until I land wherever I’m going, but I AM excited to see Bryan. It’s been about a month since he stopped through Nanaimo, and I miss his sweetness!
I am used to being a solo traveller so I’m both excited and nervous to have a companion. I know I’ll struggle a bit with control, as I have such a short time in such a overwhelming place, and I want to make sure I enjoy it fully and see what I wish to see. But I’m also excited to be safe, to have someone to share it with, and to have built in connections in the area when I land. And the more we discuss things, the more I see we’re on the same page so I expect that all will be well, and plan to share all about it on here over the next two weekends! Stay tuned!
Last, I just want to share with you an author who has consumed my reading life over the last couple months. It was recommended by one of my mentors that I read The Lonely Hearts Hotel by Heather O’Neill. I devoured it and shortly after found 2 of her other novels, The Girl Who Was Saturday Night, and Lullabies for Little Criminals. I have since read all three and I can’t get enough of this author. (She’s Canadian to boot!) I warn you, she is very dark and twisty. The subject matter is not light. However, her characters are so unique and loveable. Her use of simile and metaphor is playful and childlike. Her use of language is fantastical and startling. I never tire of her style and am easily absorbed. I do require a break from the intensity of subject matter though, especially after reading all three with only a bit of interference from some equally heavy non fiction, but if you’re looking for great works, I recommend whole heartedly checking out Heather O’Neill.
That’s it for this week, folks. I hope to have a more interesting series of photos and reflections to share next week once the pre trip frenzy settles and I’m into exploring the big Apple! ’til then.
In university I had this amazing professor who sent me on a tangent that would later be a degree in Anthropology. Her field study and PHD work was all done in rural Nepal and her stories finally gave me a sense of belonging. I never resonated with the western world, the life focused on individuality and financial abundance. A life where work took priority and community was relatively non-existent. Stuck in a irrelevant loop, as the Metric lyrics go, “buy this car to drive to work, drive to work to pay for this car.” I struggled and rebelled against a life where I was meant to worship money and material possessions and longed for a life with more meaning, more intention, more connection. When I heard of Nepal, people sustaining themselves with farming, strong faith, and undivided community, I was suddenly hopeful and alive. This past fall, I had the honour of packing my bags, and heading to see this beautiful spot for myself.
There’s too much to share for one blog post, but I will say that my study of Nepal, and other poor parts of the world, was not without it’s look into the horrific impacts of tourism and globalization. I witnessed a lot of this in my travels to Nepal, India and Indonesia, but I will leave that for another day and focus here on my time at Kopan Monastery.
The main temple where all of our meditations and talk were held.
Despite having spent a significant part of my time on Vancouver Island (now about 8 years) studying Buddhism with teachers in the Tibetan lineage, I still felt like heading to Kopan, just outside of Kathmandu, to delve into a 10 day intro to Tibetan Buddhism course. I arrived in Kathmandu in the evening of the first day of the course. I hopped into a taxi at the airport and arrived in the hot, congested, madly honking traffic and instantly felt my body sink into the reality of the third world. The taxi drivers flat rate was immediately being debated and the drive down unnecessary streets to reach our destination used as ammunition. The last, dark, windy road up to the monastery’s gate opened up to views of the city lights below and I was in awe.
I arrived late but they fed me, showed me my room, and helped me make a phone call to let all at home know I’d arrived safely. I made it to the evening intro talk and settled into my home for the next 10 days. I woke up to monks chanting, our dorms windows looking over the school for young monks. I loved seeing the children in their robes running with fabric flowing behind them and playing a version of hacky sack with bundled up garbage or a deflated soccer ball on their breaks.
The balcony outside my bedroom. Over to the left out the door was the school for young monks.
I spent the 10 days in a combination of reading, writing, meditating, talking with peers and listening to a variety of dharma talks. The main teacher was a nun who lived in the monastery (one of 3.) There was a monk from the monastery who did a lot of teachings also, and a young, male lay practitioner from Australia. We had access to an amazing bookstore and library with an amazing wealth of information. I grew to love the librarian, and decided to explore the idea of taking refuge through a variety of suggested readings from him and the main teacher, Ani Karen.
We were amongst the monks, but they moved their practices to areas outside of the main gompa to make space for the 100 or more of us that were there from all over the world to learn. We often only heard their chanting from around the grounds, but occasionally we got to see them engage a very lively practice of debate as well. They would often sit in the coffee shop or on the patio during break times and occasionally loaded up several buses to go to other areas to hear different teachers speak. There was also a nunnery a little ways down the hill that we were invited to visit. We got to see them making incense that is sold around the world.
The resident monks engaged in debate, which is an integral part of their learning process.
This experience was different than all the other retreats I’ve been in for a variety of reasons. The most significant being the fact that while silent the majority of the time, there was an allowance for dialogue in the afternoons. We were assigned groups and questions and for the first time really, I got to practice putting into words years of meditation experiences. The most interesting part of that was that I was the only student in my group with a decent amount of study behind me so I got to explore some of the resistance and doubts my peers were experiencing with fresh eyes, as I have since eradicated a number of similar doubts that arose for me in earlier years. I also made several beautiful connections with amazing people that I hope to foster from a distance for the years to come.
The door into the Gompa, or temple.
Through this whole experience, I came to the conclusion that I wanted to deepen my commitment, and find more guidance to delve deeper into this path I’d been loosely following for many years. I decided to take refuge with a monk, was given a spiritual name within the lineage, and have since requested more support from my teacher in Nanaimo. The experience was special for me. To be in such a place, to have discussed my way into a new level of commitment (when normally I discuss my way into a self doubt spiral) and to have such support in my questions and learning was such a blessing. Some of the most resonant answers I received in this endeavor were that I could forever learn and adapt my commitment and that we are encouraged to explore all other forms of education, not that Buddhism as it exists today has the only information of value.
Me being given my lineage name.
I hoped that all this would help me connect to a more regular practice, but alas, the action still needs to come from me. Finding space for it within my routine did not happen until my most recent retreat on Denman Island. However, I am now in a daily routine and am doing my best to build it into my morning time that I spend writing and learning French! And I’m happy to say that so far it’s been fruitful.
The view from on top of one of the buildings. The monastery grounds overlooking Kathmandu.
I decided to write this this week because I am a seeker. I am always learning about new ways of connecting, integrating ritual, learning ways of engaging with the spiritual and this week I ended up in a scenario in which I questioned my involvement with certain practitioners and realized that I really do resonate and have belief in Buddhist practice. I chose to become Buddhist in Nepal, but this week, I am reminded that it’s more than having taken refuge, it’s continuing to practice and contemplate and come to the same conclusion. This is what makes sense to me, even amongst my skepticism and self doubt. And I admit, I have a bit of fear of putting this out into the world. I have negated religion in many ways for many years, but this seems less like a religious pursuit and more an unraveling of years of misunderstanding reality. I will hopefully never close my mind to other ways of seeing the world, but until that stops reinforcing my experience of the practices I’m involved in, I will continue on the Buddhist path.
Please forgive my post being a day late. I was in retreat on Denman Island until yesterday morning and was not quite ready to turn on my phone and computer and jump back into my outward commitments.
I would like to take just a moment to bring awareness to The Hermitage Retreat Center, if it’s not already familiar. This is a beautiful Buddhist space set on a large piece of property on one of the small Islands (Denman) surrounding Vancouver island. You take a small cable ferry from Campbell River and drive a few minutes on the main road to arrive at this divine abode. Throughout the year there are many retreats offered, of varying lengths and topics.
This center was created by beings who wished for other beings to have a safe, quiet, beautiful space to meditate and contemplate. A space to explore and nurture the nature of reality and the human experience. I recently learned that up until a few years ago it was entirely free of charge to attend. Room and board were covered by generous donations and teachings were, and still are, offered freely. Now there is a minimal charge which only just covers the necessary operating costs.
The Temple bell (image from thehermitage.ca) Whenever we are within 5-10 minutes of the start time of a group sit, this is rung to gather us.
I want to share just a little bit about my experience. People hear the word “retreat” and imagine spa days, massage, quietude and mocktails, but the reality is quite different. I don’t often share a lot about my time in retreat because each individual experience is unique and I don’t want my version of what it was to deter anyone from continuing on, or starting on the path. So I will only share a little and allow you to explore The hermitage (link above) and see if there is anything that draws you to visit it yourself.
So, I’ve been practicing for many years now. I was blessed to find my way to Dharma practitioner and Psychologist Dr. Cheryl Fraser. Cheryl is based out of Maple Bay, near Duncan on Vancouver Island. She has been practicing for more than 20 years and has a knack for applying these eastern spiritual practices effectively and efficiently into the Western mind. One of her root teachers, Lama Mark Webber, is of like science mind and resides on Galiano Island. Another amazing source from which I’ve had the pleasure of absorbing teachings.
This retreat was run by Dr. Cheryl and her colleague, Shelane, who is also a long time Dharma Practitioner and psycho-therapist based out of Toronto. We explored some of the motherly, nurturing aspects of our beings and spent our days working with a variety of practices to aid us in calming our minds and realizing our nature that resides beneath the busy-ness of mind.
The lotus is a common symbol used in meditation and has a variety of meanings, including representation of the entirety of the teachings of the Buddha, or awakened being.
I think that is all that I will offer of the teachings and will instead focus on my personal experience. I spent a lot of time sitting on my cushion observing the stories of my mind and the emotions they inflicted; guilt, grief, content, bliss, and on and on. And while not always pleasant, and definitely not always easy, the experience overall has left me inspired, connected, rejuvenated and excited to carry on.
I could go on and on for far more than I am sure most would like to read, so I will share one of my most profound experiences. At one point, with one of our guided explorations, I felt a surge of energy that required physical expression. For this being, one who often has the stories of tiredness and lethargy, this was unique and powerful. I found a spot in an empty clearing and was brought to tears by the necessity to move, to flail and skip and play, like a child with abandon. I came home to spend time with my family for mothers day, and the light and beauty I often see within my nephew was bright and alive like never before.
This was captured in Lumbini, Nepal. The birthplace of the Buddha. Prayer flags are set up with their prayers being carried by the wind to all sentient beings around the world.
I will leave you with the knowing that I continue to go on retreat, I continue to reside in spiritual centers exploring movement and mind and I plan to continue for as long as my being allows. It’s not always easy. Sometimes I weep at the state of the world, the animal or reptilian brain that other sentient beings live almost entirely in, and I experience the aches and pains of purifying. But, the profound, visceral, entirely pure moments of joy, love, bliss (in all it’s forms) continues to lure me into retreat.
Forgive me for a potentially fumble-y expression. My mind is slowly arriving back into the world of words and actions. I hope you feel drawn to explore the Hermitage or other centers. May you be well, may you be happy, may you be free from suffering. And may all beings be free from suffering.
In my hometown when I was young, there was always a May celebration. There would be a big parade, a carnaval, and a stage. It was called May Days, but I never really knew what it was about. I’d go with the family and then, as I got older, with friends. I liked when it was warm enough that the people in the parade would spray the crowd with water guns and have also always enjoyed people throwing tasty treats and buttons at me. After the parade was done, we’d head over to the stage to watch a bunch of preteens dressed in beautiful white gowns dance with ribbons around a tall pole and one of them would be chosen to wear the sash of honour, having been deemed the May Queen. I don’t recall ever participating in it, or ever really learning about it, and as I got to be a teen and then young adult, I only really frequented the beer gardens.
Flowers we later turned into crowns.
Over the last couple years I’ve blessed with a teacher named Natalie Rousseau. I went to an event of hers in Victoria and then, shortly after went into a week long Vinyasa Teacher Training with her. I struggled a lot in the training, but I walked away connected to this woman. Her story tellings and her wide breadth of knowledge continue to leave me in wonder. I’ve since joined her for several online courses and live events exploring a variety of information about working with astrology, plant medicine, ayurveda, asana, ritual and both celtic and hindu mythology.
Last year, in her 13 moons online program, I was introduced to Beltane. By which, of course, I mean I was introduced to the name and the history of this event I’d been watching my whole youth. I purchased the Llewellyn’s book on Beltane and continued to delve a little deeper into it. Then, this year, I was lucky enough to make it to one day (of a 3 day event) to celebrate in community.
Beltane is one of the 6 points on the celtic wheel of the year. It marks the mid way point between the spring equinox and the summer solstice. It is a celebration of embodiment and sensuality. Natalie described it so beautifully yesterday as being akin to young love. The early stages of excitement and electricity. When we’re hopeful and things have so much potential. Everything is coming to life, being awakened by the longer, warmer days, hinting at boons and abundance. A lot of the traditional practices were to protect and nourish the land so that potential turned towards promise. I read of a practice of walking the property line with incense to protect and ward off negativity. While my beau was here, he humoured me in an intentional walk around my family home.
Beltane Alter
Yesterday, in the Taurus new moon, I ventured over to Saltspring island to spend a day with a bunch of wonderful women, and one man! We practiced conscious movement, connected with the earth and gave thanks to it’s bounty before creating beautiful flower crowns and sharing a meal.
The beautiful space where the magic happened. Golden Tree Farm, Saltspring Island.
I feel so blessed to have people around me that can remind me how to connect with nature. How to honour and acknowledge and actively participate in it’s creations. I have forgotten, over the last couple years, how to be still in nature. I have never known how to honour it as it deserves, and I haven’t been so present as its powerful shifts take place. This past week of sunny days spent laying the grass, listening to waves, and working with flowers has left me rejuvenated and hopeful. We were left to consider what it is that’s blossoming inside us right now, and while I can’t answer it fully, I do know that hope is amongst the things that reside here.
